N-NonQueer Romance: NOUS NE VIEILLIRONS PAS ENSEMBLE (1972)

My patience was seriously put to the test by this cis het romance starting with the letter N: NOUS NE VIEILLIRONS PAS ENSEMBLE (We Won't Grow Old Together) by Maurice Pialat (1972).

Personally, I would’ve classified this film as horror, because it is my personal hell to see beautiful and intelligent women (or even stupid and ugly ones, that’s not the point) chasing after men who mistreat them.

That’s the dynamic between the main character Jean (a filmmaker played by Jean Yanne) and his mistress, with whom he has been in a relationship for over 6 years, Cathy (Marlène Jobert).

A scene showing Jean at work. He thinks he’s the shit.

If I had to take a drink every time these two said “it’s over between us”… I don’t even like alcohol, I’m not about to risk cirrhosis for this film.

I rolled my eyes so many times they nearly fell out of my head: these two were driving me insane!

A typical breakup with these two

Jean ticks all the boxes of a controlling and manipulative abuser, yet no one around him ever uses those words. On the contrary, it is supposed to be an autobiography of Maurice Pialat, an unapologetic and strangely extralucid look at his own flaws.

Even Catherine’s parents notice the bruises on their daughter’s face, cast a brief disapproving glance at Jean, and say nothing. Jean shrugs: “A little blue green”. I can throw up. It’s incredible how normalized this sexist violence is, both by the victim and by those around her.

The thing is, the victim—who is clearly living in fear—doesn’t even realize she is a victim. She keeps going back to Jean like an idiot, and it makes me furious, it drives me out of my mind. She never comes back because he threatened her. She comes back every time he says “OK, well go then.” The moment he “accepts” their separation, she just changes her mind. Dude!

She even tells him she will never love anyone as much as she loved him, and she says it to make him feel better. How much must you hate yourself to demean yourself to that extent? You’re insulting all women when you do that. Think about us, for fck’s sake!

Just Cathy listening to Jean telling her how ugly and stupid she is

And Jean’s wife (because of course that moron is married) knows everything about Jean and Cathy, and still doesn’t leave him. Every time Cathy breaks up with Jean, she’s the one who consoles her husband! She resents Cathy for breaking poor Jean’s heart, and even Cathy’s parents seem more impressed by Jean’s wife than by their own daughter!

Because staying married to this asshole is a good thing now? An achievement to aspire to? What a brave woman, give her a medal for not quitting!

This film was torture! Even Cathy’s friends help Jean out by spilling all her secrets about her new relationship. Are you all out of your minds?

If at least this were a denunciation, a critique, a resolutely feminist anti-sexist masterpiece… but no. Nothing is resolved. I don’t get to win, and to scream “FUCK YEAH!”.

This film is an ode to men. A deification of men. It shows the most horrible man the way religions show the most horrible god, and it gives that man an excuse. It’s never that man’s fault, the way it’s never god’s fault. And just like god, Jean moves in mysterious ways, so just blindly love him. He says so many times that he “wouldn’t hurt a fly”, so it must be true. Your pain must’ve been a figment of your imagination. Don’t think too much. Just follow, love and obey. A man to that.

I’m fed up. I’m fed up with your toxic partners. It’s like falling in love with a pound of heroin. If only you also loved the idea of rehab! I won’t be attending your funerals. Go see a therapist. Oh, I forgot: you don’t need one. But you sure need Jean, don’t you? I’ve had enough of y’all.

I’m also fed up with all this blood orange

More blood orange

Even more blood orange: the dog is red-haired and there’s also a red-haired toddler behind Cathy. Red and blood orange everywhere. Enough is enough.

Up next on my watchlist: a biopic that starts with O, a comedy that starts with P, and—good luck with that— a drama that starts with Q!