7 Years in Canada: Thinking About Divorce?
July 1st, 2019 at Roissy Airport — Saying goodbye to my baby sister
On July 1st, 2019, I left France to live in Canada. My mothers and sisters saw me off at Roissy Airport. For some reason, I was the only person who wasn't sad in the slightest. I was the one who was about to end up alone in a new country across an ocean, so why were they crying?
July 1st, 2019 at Roissy Airport — Of course, I won’t show you pictures of them being sad, but trust me: they were devastated. As they should have been.
When I arrived at Pearson Airport, the border officer said, "Oh! You picked Canada Day!" I replied, "I don't know what that is. I picked Monday. Monday flights are cheaper than Sunday's."
Anyway, that's when I found out that July 1st was Canada Day…
And that Canada Day…
Was an important day...
For white Canadians.
July 1st, 2019 at Roissy Airport — On the right, you have Tiana Ewane, the singer I write for, sister from another mother… of mine!
Fast-forward 7 years: I hold a Canadian passport, my relationship with Canada/Toronto has been quite bumpy (family bereavement, invisible disability, money issues, bike accidents, mental health, writer’s block…), I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be when I hugged those loving women goodbye 7 years ago, and you know what? Who wants a predictable life anyway? Who wants to buy a book and think, "I know exactly where this is going"?
Follow me to find out where this is going.
July 1st, 2019 at Roissy Airport — One last hug to my other mother
I'm the main character in the story of my life, and as an existentialist, I don't believe in destiny. I only have now. And right now, I'm pretty content.
I still struggle with the fact that this could be the last country in my life journey. I do wish to live in New Zealand in 5 to 10 years from now (but more 5 than 10), at least for a couple of years, then maybe I’ll come back. I hope to come back.
For this 7th year, instead of planning my divorce, I actually started working on strengthening the relationship I have with this country: community building activities in my neighborhood (#FunnyBrainyRoncy), political activism with the leftist party in my neighborhood as well (NDP Parkdale—High Park), and I also joined a very demanding vocal ensemble (the rehearsals at Les Voix du cœur are no joke).
I have so many plans for Toronto: the Olympic Games of Karaoke (getting each neighborhood to compete against the others), a historic TV show I’m developing, teaching French through short films (from Africa, Europe, Canada)… This is the kind of fun I plan to have before my next move to another country.
But whether I leave Canada or come back to it will depend on many factors that will not always depend on me: world war three, four maybe, tsunamis, earthquakes, the health conditions of beloved ones, funerals, my own health condition or funeral, or worse, me catching feelings for someone and reorganizing my life around theirs.
I could also be hit with happy news that radically change everything. The future is an infinity of possibilities, which is empowering, exciting and terrifying as hell. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Congrats on 7 years, Jo Güstin! You sure learned a lot.
July 1st, 2019 at Roissy Airport — Writing the next chapter of my life